who wants to buy this diamond ring?

Yesterday was a clubbing day. I went on a diner date. It went well. Afterwards I went out with my chica to go dancing. And well what did I learn? I learned that some people have no respect for each other. So I'm dancing and a guy goes to buy me a drink. Another guy bought a drink for my chica. And we lost each other. Well after talking with the guy for a lil while, I tell him that I have to find my friend. Afterall she's drunk, I'm not going to leave her alone to have her get raped or something.
When I come back, he(they guy who was hitting on me) is making out with my friend. Ok, I'm not going to lie, I thought it was trashy but that didn't really bother me at all.
Eventaully my friend and I go sit at some of the table. And Mr. Mcfly comes over, and manages to hit on both of us, because apparently he didn't wanna make a choice and stick with it.
When my friend notices the ring.
Are you married/
Engaged.
Because being engaged makes it sooooo much better.
And he cries to us about how bad it is and how he just needs to get out and wah wah wah

Well here's the real point of all of this.
If you don't love some one or you don't think its going to work, either break it up or fix the problems that exist. Don't be a selfish person and lead the person on, it only get worse. If you love the person put their interest on, at least, the same level as you. Be a better person.

It disgusts me how we all treat each other, sometimes, it really does.

I Just Need a 'lil Breather

Not like you.
Unlike me.
Today I've decided that I need to take a lil time to fix me. I've been so afraid so long to let go of the anger and to get hurt again; I got hurt anyway. I was so afraid I'd lose my artistic ability; I had it all before this happened. I was so afraid to lose you becuase you were the only one who I ever could really love; I guess I loved people before everything happen, I think I'll love people after you.

I was 19 years old when I sexually assult, in front of so many people who looked disgusted but let it go on, or who laughed along with everyone else while I screamed and cried. I was 19 years old and spent three more months there with everyone hating me and threatening to beat the crap out of me, because unlucky me, you were popular. It probably would have been easier if I didn't press charges and you didn't get kicked out of school; but, I'm still glad I did.

I was 20 when I stopped talking about it, when my dearest friend smild and me and said "well if it bothers you so much why do you always talk about it."
And I stopped.
I talked about it because I was desperate to get the beast outside of me if only for a minute. I need to breathe. I needed to be before I was a statistic; but I couldn't take your judgements. I stopped.

I was 21 before I stopped going out so much. Every night I replayed my rage. But then there was that night when that guy, god I don't even remember his name, thinking I was passed out, spent the whole night trying to molest me, and I too scared to cry or run away just kept moving him hand away; over and over. I don't know when he finally gave up, but I was gone before everyone else awoke.

But now at 23, it still seethes inside me. All of it. the anger, the hurt the rage. I need it outside of me. I need it purged. I need not to feel like a piece of meat.

I was content with you to be broken. I'm not content with that anymore.

You talk too much; say that I do, difference is nobody cares about you

Seriously. wtf. Yeah I know. I wrote about this earlier today but why did you have to call me tonight.
No I don't care that you are talking to your other ex, the slut
good for you. Oh but you're talking to her cuz you're bored and you wanna talk to me cuz you like me
and you wanna call me more? But you don't as so not to bug me
as if calling me 3 times in the past three days isn't enough to make sure that instead of moving on I fixate on you.
and pretty little nice little stupid little weak little me
I pick up the phone.
You know why?
Because I do still freakin love you.
Because soooo much of me wants it to go back to the way it was.
but the past it the past.
you can't go back. Even if we would go back it wouldn't be the same.
ugh. I don't get the point of this. When you break up doesn't that imply you go your seperate ways.
Doesn't it?
Why do I still love you so frickin much?
The problem with all of this is that there isn't a simple way to get over this. Getting back together won't fix the problems we have and staying apart, well time will, but the only way to get through time is to live it and it sucks so much right now.
And I don't know what to do.
Or maybe I do and I don't want to.
Pretty much gnr's sorry sums it up nice.
"I'm sorry for you, and I'm sorry for me....you chose to hurt those who love you and not set them free."
So sad and so frickin true.

This I love

If you ever loved me, if ever one word over the years was true; you'd be a better man. And you'd leave me alone and let me find a way to completely get over you. You wouldn't call to see how I am. I know you can hear the tears over the other end. You wouldn't call me drunk and tell me how you still love me and how you screwed up. You'd changed the problems that you have and allow me the time to change me.

Love isn't manipluation or control. Love isn't grand gestures, but is caring about the other person. And yes you may want to see me, lord knows I want to see you; but you know how much this is all killing me, and you cause it. You left, not me, but you. I would have stuck through it all, even to my own end.

But you chose to leave. I don't know the reasons. You've told me so many and frankly I don't care. Well, maybe I do but really in the end it doesn't matter does it?

You know how much this is killing me. I've told you. I've told you I won't call you or bug you...but you call me still. I know you miss me. I know you still love me but that doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter. Healing does. Moving on does. Love isn't calling someone the day before Thanksgiving(twice) just to chat.

If I had the strength to turn off my phone I would. I'd leave it all behind me. But I can't let go, not yet. Slowly I am, but even through it all I still love you. I know I shouldn't and I won't go back to you but that doesn't make my love die.

But I dance at night. And I laugh with my friends. I go to plays. I see my family. I make plans again and one day

I'll turn off my phone

Not that kind of girl

What concerns me is the question of feminism and if we have gotten anywhere in the last 2o, 30, (insert an amount of years) here. Over and over again, I see examples of incredubily smart women making stupid choices regarding friends- going back to people who cheat on them, use them, ect because they "can't be without a male" and all I keep asking myself is why?

Perphaps it was how we were all raised. Even before we can speak, we are spoonfeed fairtales where in the end the princess unable to extricate herself from her horrible situation is saved by prince charming and lives "happily ever after". This sets woman up to think that they need a man to be complete and sets unrealistic expectations that a man could never achieve and shouldn't have to.

Songs, movies and cultural stress the importance of love even above the developement of the self, and worse it perpetuates the "romeo and juilet" sort of love.

Dying for someone is not love, living for someone is. Caring for someone enough to examine youself, see if their concern as valid, and then changing for the betterment of youself is something to be admired. But that sick sort of obessive love, saying you "can't live without him," or "he'd die without me" is manipulative and needs to stop being praised.

But I wonder how can I change any of this when we are all so indoctrinated into a culture in ways that I can't even imagine( and given the response to my last breakup which consisted of me crying for two days straight, moving out of my apartment back home and lamenting that I didn't think I could go on) I too am just an indoctrinated as anyone else. How do you fight something that has so long been a part of you? I don't know....