I Just Need a 'lil Breather

Not like you.
Unlike me.
Today I've decided that I need to take a lil time to fix me. I've been so afraid so long to let go of the anger and to get hurt again; I got hurt anyway. I was so afraid I'd lose my artistic ability; I had it all before this happened. I was so afraid to lose you becuase you were the only one who I ever could really love; I guess I loved people before everything happen, I think I'll love people after you.

I was 19 years old when I sexually assult, in front of so many people who looked disgusted but let it go on, or who laughed along with everyone else while I screamed and cried. I was 19 years old and spent three more months there with everyone hating me and threatening to beat the crap out of me, because unlucky me, you were popular. It probably would have been easier if I didn't press charges and you didn't get kicked out of school; but, I'm still glad I did.

I was 20 when I stopped talking about it, when my dearest friend smild and me and said "well if it bothers you so much why do you always talk about it."
And I stopped.
I talked about it because I was desperate to get the beast outside of me if only for a minute. I need to breathe. I needed to be before I was a statistic; but I couldn't take your judgements. I stopped.

I was 21 before I stopped going out so much. Every night I replayed my rage. But then there was that night when that guy, god I don't even remember his name, thinking I was passed out, spent the whole night trying to molest me, and I too scared to cry or run away just kept moving him hand away; over and over. I don't know when he finally gave up, but I was gone before everyone else awoke.

But now at 23, it still seethes inside me. All of it. the anger, the hurt the rage. I need it outside of me. I need it purged. I need not to feel like a piece of meat.

I was content with you to be broken. I'm not content with that anymore.