This I love

If you ever loved me, if ever one word over the years was true; you'd be a better man. And you'd leave me alone and let me find a way to completely get over you. You wouldn't call to see how I am. I know you can hear the tears over the other end. You wouldn't call me drunk and tell me how you still love me and how you screwed up. You'd changed the problems that you have and allow me the time to change me.

Love isn't manipluation or control. Love isn't grand gestures, but is caring about the other person. And yes you may want to see me, lord knows I want to see you; but you know how much this is all killing me, and you cause it. You left, not me, but you. I would have stuck through it all, even to my own end.

But you chose to leave. I don't know the reasons. You've told me so many and frankly I don't care. Well, maybe I do but really in the end it doesn't matter does it?

You know how much this is killing me. I've told you. I've told you I won't call you or bug you...but you call me still. I know you miss me. I know you still love me but that doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter. Healing does. Moving on does. Love isn't calling someone the day before Thanksgiving(twice) just to chat.

If I had the strength to turn off my phone I would. I'd leave it all behind me. But I can't let go, not yet. Slowly I am, but even through it all I still love you. I know I shouldn't and I won't go back to you but that doesn't make my love die.

But I dance at night. And I laugh with my friends. I go to plays. I see my family. I make plans again and one day

I'll turn off my phone